Rest for Young Mamas
I received a note with questions a couple of years ago from a sweet younger friend (I decidedly fit into the “older” category now) and gave her some answers that might be helpful for someone else who might have the same type of questions. I have changed their names for privacy!
“I am so thankful for you! I think of all the questions I've asked over the years and how blessed I am to have your wisdom! So here's my next question... ha ha!! How did you find rest when your kids were young? How much did you rely on Joe to provide times of spiritual refreshment (by watching kids)? What is appropriate to ask of (Jim), and when do I need to just press in to Him in the midst of the stress?
We find these questions difficult to maneuver. I think because of my prolonged and unknown sickness in (our missionary country), we have baggage in this area and need Light and Truth to reveal patterns that aren't pleasing to Him and give us new direction! Although we have SO MUCH to be thankful for during this year+ in France, it has also been incredibly difficult to maneuver life with a large family. We have had no constant, no routine as things have continually changed. So although we see how God has carried us through, I am also very weary and quite emotional feeling my weakness. Danielle could probably see a lot of that during her time with us! Anyway, if you have any thoughts or guiding principles for helping you discern when to "push through" relying on God and when to lean heavily on Joe allowing him to serve you I would love to hear!
Hugs!!! (Jessica)”
(Jessica)!!
I am thinking back to the times that we were overrun with tiny ones and how tiring that was!
I think that, unfortunately, you are like me in that usually you will continue to press through even when you probably ought to be resting or figuring out a way to "do it better"....kind of with the idea that we "should" be able to do it all, of course with the Lord's help, and that there is some failure in not being able to do it. You do BETTER than I in that you are asking for advice :) Wise you are to do that.
A couple of the things that Joe did do when the kids were little was to put them to bed at night since I was generally collapsing into bed and he almost always cooked breakfast on Sundays. Frankly, I did not do it right when they were young in so many ways and one of those was NOT finding all of the rest I needed...1. Because I thought I should be able to just do it with God's help and 2. I had no real direction from people on how to do it the right way.
I am assuming that your goals closely reflect mine. We want to totally support our husband in what God has given him to do, we want to train up our children to be ones who are not just saved but LOVE the Lord Jesus and want to serve Him, and that our family as a whole would be mission minded and Kingdom oriented.
So here is what I would advise as someone looking back.....
1. Get a mother's helper. I know you have had Danielle and others on a short term basis in the past. What I am talking about is a young girl who can come in a just do a little helping out for a bit of the day, maybe just playing with the kids so you can take a short nap, or even washing your dishes or whatever.
2. And, speaking of dishes, if it is possible please get a cleaning lady who can come in at the least every other week, every week would be wonderful. I would be glad to share my story about this sometime, but here is why I think this is a good idea for you and your family. You are not just a "stay at home mom". You and I call ourselves that, but there are many things that we do that a normal stay at home mom would not be doing. Let's face it, if we had ALL of our time to devote to just cooking and cleaning we probably would be incredible at it and being a nice and productive mama. But we don't. We have chosen to educate our children at home which takes a huge amount of time. There is also a large portion of our lives that is devoted to others outside of our home. Someone keeping your home totally tidy will change the whole outlook.
3. As far as (Jim) is concerned. He appears to be a very engaged father :) I think that you need to figure out what kind of rest is needed to sustain you throughout a normal week and you will probably need to have a time on Sunday nights for instance where you look over the schedule for the week and see where that rest fits in! And absolutely allow him to serve you where he desires to and can. He married you and all that comes with that :) And then there is 1 Peter 3:7 too!
There is no reward for driving ourselves into the ground being a wife, mother, and serving the Lord. Here is how I have always looked at it. We can do things to alleviate our suffering and fix our situations because if God wants us to experience suffering it won't matter what we do to fix it, He will ensure that we experience what He desires us to experience!! We are not going to thwart His plans by looking for good answers and better solutions.
I wish I had taken that whole thought and applied it to my situation as a young mother. We are always so much easier on others than we are on ourselves. I really believe we could have had an even more rich experience as a family if I had taken the time to "fix" a bit more instead of trudging through it with the sense that I somehow had to in order to be a godly woman. And I KNOW that you don't mean doing it in our own strength, and neither do I. We can do all I listed and still be pressing into the Lord and walking in the Spirit.
Hope that helps. Maybe I should come visit so we can have coffee at a French coffee shop!!!!!
Andrea
